Something you should know

It's been a while since i last updated this thing right here, as i have been busy with work and a am all tired and you noe that school has already started. Besides i am too lazy to type all the long words and stuffs in here... Well i got some things to share and i need to let it off my chest.

I have been thinking alot lately.. about work, school, life, family and my Azura.
I am thinking like whether i can manage with school.... will i graduate? Will i be able to get a good job in future? Will i earn enuff and save enuff to have my own family in a short time?? Will i be able to be close with my family again like we used to be? Will my father and I finally talk as father with son? Will i be able to live peacefully with my Azura? All these things kept coming back to my head, espeacially after talking to her yesterday.

I realised sumthing was wrong because she was not her normal self, and if because she was tired i would understand too cause i know she was. But sumthing deep in my heart tells me that she was keeping sumthing away from me. Then she told me what was going on in her mind.
It seems that her mom had second thoughts abt staying with us after we get married in future.
Not only that, she had been treated unfairly since she was very young. I was affected of cause in ways more than one. Not only i can't do anything to help, i don't think my presense helped much either. I hope she knows what i told her was for her own good. Whatever that i told her.

When i think about it, well even though we r not yet married, i can already feel the pressure. Pressure from both sides. Both fathers would certainly want me to finish school soon, go and be a Government Dog for 2 years and then get a good job and hopely settle down here. You may think that is nothing... But me being the elder son and she being the youngest among her siblings dont make things simple, i got to take up lots of responsibilties. It's not just about feeding 2 mouths and now that this new problem has arised, makes things more complicated.

What i thought of doing is that, if her parents don't want to stay with us, well i wont feel upset or bad... Maybe because she thinks we r not good enuff for them to stay with us. I dont mind at all. Planned to stay with my parents instead who i know will take good care of my wife. I know my parents will be proud of her. It is because of her i am a much changed man. It is because of her i still manage to pull through in school. Without her, i am nothing.

I love you the way u r baby, but sometimes the way u think and ur actions just irritates me. I hope u dont take it the wrong way. Here is the only way i can share my views and feelings with you as i cant speak to u about all this. Whatever it is, i hope you will be much healthier, more beautiful and then becomes undescribeable and slimmer maybe ( not much, u noe i dont expect much of you newayz) and happier always.

I LOVE YOU MY SAYANG, SITI HAZURA EFENDI......
Every word I say is True, This I promise U.
May Allah bless you with a blissful life,

Frustrations And Advices

Hi its me again after a long time as i have been busy with studying for exams, my Drama, my work and also been lazy to type out these words. Well finally i got to read my darling's blog and finally i understand what she is going through all this while. Why she is extra sensitive nowadays. I can also sense that she is sad that i can't accompany her or pick her up from work today coz i am so bloody tired to travel all the way there that my body is really aching a lot. Well Yah it's been 2 weeks since the show was done and i am back to normal, slacking life while waiting fir school to reopen. It's funny that people keep saying that i am strong when actually i am so weak, that i tend to give up easily in life. But that never came. Let me tell you all why. God never wants us to give up in any situations. Secondly, i always think of my parents when i do things, always think of not disappointing them in anything more than i think abt myself when it comes to studies ( stoopid isnt it?) And of coz my Azura... always backing me up in what ever i do. Always there to support me, never let me fall, never let me lose hope, never let me give up on my self, my life . And also thanx to some bitches, and hypocrites that i learnt a lot more about life, about who really cares and who only comes to to you when they desperately need your help. As far as i am concerned, i can still calm down and paly along... But a fair warning to any of you reading this... Dont take me for granted and take my silence as a weakness... Especially to u lil bro, don't keep sneaking in my room and take my stuffs asshole! I am pissed off.. truly pissed off.. Oh one more advice to people out there, when u borrow people money and promised to pay at a specified time please do, coz unless u have a good reason that you can't... THAT SUCKX! Oh yah another things, if you cant't afford a car, don't buy one... and then makes ur family suffers and also bro in law also suffers u asshole! Ok that's all For Now.... Azura, i will try to make it up to u in any way i can ok...? I cant possibly visit u all the time.. i don't even have enough rest at home all these while... But i do miss you aight. I Love yOu dead