Let It Out!

It's been a while since i last updated my post here...
But doesn't matter since nobody is reading it anyways...
Lots of things had happened...

It has been 3 months since i ORD, and i did not get into POLICE.
Wow.. what a letdown for someone who they have been saying good things about.
During stay in camp.. life was a living hell, with all those bastards never seem to stop bugging me. Pissing me off like nobody's business..
Just what the fuck did i do to deserve all that.
And i realised after seeing one of them outside, that they just seem to have a problem with me..
Well guess what. I don't give a fuck about you guys anymore!
You are just pieces of monkey crap who is trying to put me down, so that you will feel good about yourself. You are just envious that you can't even be half the man that i am.

After Pass Out, life was much better. Made new friends who i still keep in touch with.
And now, after months of lazing my ass around...
I am finally working. But am i working?
Definitely not. Every day i come here and basically wasting my time.
Time that i can use for other useful things.
Well, people might think and ask.
Isn't it good to just slack around doing nothing but still get paid?
Well, i am not that kind of person.
When people pay me to work, i make sure that i do it the best that i can.
I don't want to get paid for nothing.

Anyways, i tendered last week, cause i got another job offer in the government sector.
A more secured job they say. But that is still a month's time away.
Till then i am stuck here, living life miserably.
I don't know why, but no matter where i go, whether it be in school or work place.
I never felt like i was part of the gang. I am always an outcast.

Today, that feeling just got stronger.
Here I am, sitting in front of this PC, letting all my frustrations out.
Frustrations that i held inside. Things that most people won't understand.

Frustrated that why i got this job in the first place if i am not going to stay.
Frustrated that why people treat me differently just because i am being me.
Frustrated that why i can't be more capable like other people.
Frustrated that why people don't seem to able to help when i need it.
Frustrated that time is always not on my side.
Frustrated that i have to be here, just because of the sake of it.

Since i was young, i am full of anguish, frustrations.
Full of envy for other people who simply have better lives than me.
I tried to better myself, so strive harder to achieve all my goals.
But i'm struggling as always. Up till now.

In less than a year, I will be getting married to the love of my life, who has always been behind me since Day 1.
I really want to make this work.
For us, i will hang on.

But i am really at a loss as to what I will do when i'm here.
I rather be somewhere else now.
Somewhere where i can just relax and get away from all this.

Life is like that. You don't a;ways get what you want.
But i will work hard for what i want.
And that is to be with her.
For my love for her, i will stay strong.

Until then, the frustrations of being here will still remain......