Married

It's been so long since i last updated this.. but anyways if there are still people reading this...

zura and i are already married, close to a mth now...

I pray hard that i will never lose her..

Married life makes me more complete than i have ever imagined...

Till then...

DEPRESSION

At this point of time, I am just utterly depressed, sick, tired and all of that.
Why do I always get the blame for everything...?
I mean i tried to be the best that I can, but instead all people see are my flaws rather than my strengths.

I tried to make it up to them, but they are making it difficult for me..
They always LOVE to make it such a BIG issue...
Indeed, Life has just started, And So is my biggest depression...


This Could Be My Last POST...


ALIVE...

So Cherish Ur LIfe, Cherish Ur LOved Ones..
I LOVE YOU...

Biggest Mistake

Today is my last day at work.
And i still do not feel at peace.
Yesterday they asked me to take care of the cell,
and i ended up into doing more work.
Something that i do want, something that i am not familiar with.

I regretted for doing that. Should have just laid back and relax.
I mean it's my last 2 days, not supposed to be worried.
Instead, i am worrying again.
Hope i do not have to follow up and today ends fast.

I really just want to get really fast out of here.
I want to start with my new job, and start life anew...
As i look at the time, i realise there is about 11 hours more to go.... more time wasted.
I do not need to be here in the first place. If i did not have things to settle yesterday,
I would have taken MC.

Since i have been working here, i am always not feeling well.
I can't cope with the stress, being alone most of the time too.
Hope my new job will be much better.
Working here is really a mistake.
I realise that i do not get along well with most of them, or maybe all of them.
And that includes the supervisor.

My fiancee is going to JB now, haizz.... how i miss her so much.
Hope she comes back soon, and i don't have anything to do here.
So, i can spend the rest of the day with her.

I will be counting the hours till that moment comes....
Till then....


My life continues.....
In the next Chapter....

STressFuL

Today is a very stressful day.
Lots of work to be done.
Some people take their own sweet time...

I'm Gonna be shagged tonight.
No late nights.

Just hope can finish my work on time.
I don't want to be rushing all the time....
5 more days....

1 Week is Like 1 Month

Today is yet another day.
I'm left with 6 more days here.
Can't wait to get out of here.

I mean, there is really no point of me being here.
Nothing more to learn, nothing to do.
No one wants me to help with anything, even if i offered my help.
Wasting my time...

This is worse than going to school.
At least in school we have an objective, although we don't get paid.
If the only the other offer had came earlier or maybe later.
Then my life won't be this miserable.
10 hrs is really along time. Looking forward to the end of the day.
And of course meeting my lovely fiancee.
God i really missed her.

I didn't get to talk to her last night...
As a result, i couldn't really get a good sleep.
Maybe I would go to the gym again later...

Don't know whether this is considered a good life or not...
People are paid to do work, but i am paid to be here and build muscles..
HAHAHAHAH!

Hope today pass by very quickly... after 2 more days... Then will be my off day.
Looking forward to the 'makan' session this Saturday..
Hope it's confirmed.

Till we meet again...

Just Another Boring Day

Today is just another plain boring day at work.
I just asked one of the senior engineers on what i can do to help during my remaining days here.
Guess what he told me.
To stick around one of my collegues and ask them if they need any help.
What a waste of time indeed. How helpful is that answer.

Nobody wants me to help aound with anything.
If they had wanted to, i wouldn't be sitting around and going around like a beggar asking for work to do.
Time remains slow, and pretty much, i have run out of things to do.
Can't help feeling that coming here is a waste of time and money.
And not to mention that finishing up my cigarrettes too.

What i can do now is spend most of the time going to the gym or just reading.
Let's just hope that will help kill the time.
I just cannot wait to get out of this place.
It's a good thing that after this will be 3 off days.

3 weeks and counting....19 days to my last shift...
To be more exact, i have 9 more working days.
How i wish i had bought a PSP.
Then i can just disappear for hours outside.

8 more hours to go.
Wish the govt post had called me up earlier.
So that i didn't have to put up with this...

Till next time...
Till just another day....

Let It Out!

It's been a while since i last updated my post here...
But doesn't matter since nobody is reading it anyways...
Lots of things had happened...

It has been 3 months since i ORD, and i did not get into POLICE.
Wow.. what a letdown for someone who they have been saying good things about.
During stay in camp.. life was a living hell, with all those bastards never seem to stop bugging me. Pissing me off like nobody's business..
Just what the fuck did i do to deserve all that.
And i realised after seeing one of them outside, that they just seem to have a problem with me..
Well guess what. I don't give a fuck about you guys anymore!
You are just pieces of monkey crap who is trying to put me down, so that you will feel good about yourself. You are just envious that you can't even be half the man that i am.

After Pass Out, life was much better. Made new friends who i still keep in touch with.
And now, after months of lazing my ass around...
I am finally working. But am i working?
Definitely not. Every day i come here and basically wasting my time.
Time that i can use for other useful things.
Well, people might think and ask.
Isn't it good to just slack around doing nothing but still get paid?
Well, i am not that kind of person.
When people pay me to work, i make sure that i do it the best that i can.
I don't want to get paid for nothing.

Anyways, i tendered last week, cause i got another job offer in the government sector.
A more secured job they say. But that is still a month's time away.
Till then i am stuck here, living life miserably.
I don't know why, but no matter where i go, whether it be in school or work place.
I never felt like i was part of the gang. I am always an outcast.

Today, that feeling just got stronger.
Here I am, sitting in front of this PC, letting all my frustrations out.
Frustrations that i held inside. Things that most people won't understand.

Frustrated that why i got this job in the first place if i am not going to stay.
Frustrated that why people treat me differently just because i am being me.
Frustrated that why i can't be more capable like other people.
Frustrated that why people don't seem to able to help when i need it.
Frustrated that time is always not on my side.
Frustrated that i have to be here, just because of the sake of it.

Since i was young, i am full of anguish, frustrations.
Full of envy for other people who simply have better lives than me.
I tried to better myself, so strive harder to achieve all my goals.
But i'm struggling as always. Up till now.

In less than a year, I will be getting married to the love of my life, who has always been behind me since Day 1.
I really want to make this work.
For us, i will hang on.

But i am really at a loss as to what I will do when i'm here.
I rather be somewhere else now.
Somewhere where i can just relax and get away from all this.

Life is like that. You don't a;ways get what you want.
But i will work hard for what i want.
And that is to be with her.
For my love for her, i will stay strong.

Until then, the frustrations of being here will still remain......