Round and Round and Round

I woke up late today, having not nough time to really absorb what is needed for the quiz. I cant blame anyone else, should have started earlier. I woke up with my body sore, and my head is so heavy that i wish i can just go back to bed. I admit it was my fault, my mistakes that could cost me to get more happiness in life, my love life. If it was not for my past, maybe she would not be feeling so terrible. How i wish i can turn back time, so that we can start it over again... to have a clean start and i dun get attached too many times... But that is all it is, just my wishful thinking. I know words mean nothig if actions dont come along with it. Im not trying to be egoistic but sometimes i dont get it... Why do i always get the blame? Why do i have to always be the one asking myself what i have done and to realise what have i done wrong? Is everything my mistake alone? Maybe it is... and im being punished for it. Having to live with the guilt all my life.
There has never been another choice before i got with her. She was not a second choice for me, was not, not and never will be. She would not know that anyway. She keeps comparing , but never see it in a larger view. If that is my mistake, im really sorry, but sorry means nothing to her. She is sick of my appologies. She is sick of me asking what she wants. I never ask for anything for other than not to just expect me to understand her, but for her to understand when is the moment i can break down, when i am easily pissed off, etc. It's ok, it wont matter to anyone, but me. If only God can tell her whats in my heart and my mind which i cant let out to her, in fear that things will get worse in those moments. The quiz was ok but maybe i didnt get the questions right. It sux isnt it. I cant wait for lectures to be over so i can continue with my research in peace and then rush home to change my slippers tha keep squeking before i go down to Woodlands to meet her, my dear. I am missing u rite now, haiz didnt even get to charge my hp. Syg wait for me ok? Im sorry if what ever i said or wrote is wrong but im just telling you how i feel. It's ok if you cant accept it.. I will try harder in order to avoid these things from happening again and again like it is until this morn'.... =( LOve you baby!