What's Wrong with Me?

Back again in school , i am so listless and tired.... been working hard the past two days that i can feel my back almost breaking into two.... Talked to my lovely wife till wee hours and losing lotsa sleep and working like crazy made me sick. Luckily im feeling better now but now im kinda in a daze coz i started school early..

Well my parents came back earlier than expected and uh.. yah lucky for me coz don't have to be hungry no more and lonely no more ( LoL, im sure my syg gets what i may be saying here) . Well one of my cousins, daughter to my youngest makcik on my mum's side is going to be operated. I just pray that things will go smoothly. Im going there later after school.. hope Zura won't mind...

I decided that i will change for the better for our future, so in order to motivate myself to study when i m feeling down, i can look at her pictures that i put inside my file, and not only that.. also a card that she wrote for me in order to motivate me to study harder and don't slack around like the professional slacker i used to be... I don't have to look elsewhere for a wife and certainly i don't need a second wife, Zura is my first, last,only, forever my wife, be it this life or life after death. Only ALLAH can separate us. Syg i hope u'll be ok and that wound will heal. Actually i did not immediately sleep after talking to you last night. I am sorry i didnt tell you earlier but i was looking at all the letters,cards sent to you or written by you to Sazali, Fadil and me.....

I don't know why but maybe i felt that feeling that you could be having. I actually felt very jealous , coz i can feel how much u luv them and cherish them. I wonder if you love me more than them... coz i read the same words u wrote for them that you wrote for me....
I don't know why but i felt kinda threatened at that point of reading. i know i must be silly to be feeling this way... Is there something wrong with me? Have i lose my mind?
Always think lowly of myself and i have always think that most of the other guys are better looking than me... since kindergarten i havee been feeling this way... She said i am handsome .. wonder if she really means it or just to make me happy....

I don't know lah... all i know is that i wanna be with her..... and i am prepared to fight for her...
I want to finish school get and finish NS and get a stable job and stable economy and marry her.
I love you so much.... Siti HAzura Efendi... Love Of My Life, Till LIfe in the other World..

Daun kelapa, daun selasih,
Daun kelapa buat ketupat.
Takkan Ku sanggup bercerai kasih,
Biarpun dunia atau di Akhirat.

p/s: I love you and even though how many times i get frustrated with you, my love never grew less and never stop growing.

Cherish and Love Always, Adi AruZa